Well hello there.
I haven’t written in some time.
About six months, in fact. Initially it came down to free time (I had little), and I felt okay with parking that part of my brain for a bit.
And a bit longer.
And then a bit longer still.
And then shit son, six months is a long time!
In between I took a course (which I found incredibly difficult), I moved, and my job became more challenging and required more of me. So I slowly parked other parts of my brain – the parts that enjoy making things, baking, being creative. Then I parked some of the other things I was interested in, like planning adventures both local and elsewhere. And I drifted a bit, sleepily. So when it came time to finally think about writing something, I discovered empty roads. I’d parked everything for so long, I hadn’t noticed that my well of ideas had dried up and writer’s block had strolled into town and set up camp. The jerk won’t leave. And I’m freaked out.
I lost my words.
As an introvert, words are very important to me. If someone was to ask me in person how I was feeling, I’d make an awkward noise, probably squeak out “fine” a little too loudly, and immediately shift the topic back to them so I could sprint back to my comfort zone. But emails and the like are my jam. I’ll write you a short novel about how I’m doing and also update you on the three dogs I ran into today and how their days are going (very well, thank you for asking). The ability to write, and write reasonably well, has been a defining feature of my personality. I take great comfort in the fact that people tell me to write more, that friends and colleagues ask me to review their work and make suggestions. I often remark that I feel that I’m funnier online (my brain likes to be a jackass when I’m telling a joke and muck about with the punch line in my memory). Losing my words, therefore, feels like I’ve lost a core facet of myself and has thrown me off balance.
There are other things afoot that have contributed to this, and I’m slowly working on those, but I need to get my words back. If you’re still reading this blog, bless you for checking in now and then. I’m going to go into clumsy battle with writer’s block. Watch this space to see if I win.